Attending a Japanese Wedding: Invitations, Goshugi and What to Wear

Quick answer

If you've been invited to a Japanese wedding (kekkonshiki), three things matter most: reply to the invitation promptly, bring a congratulatory cash gift called goshugi in a special envelope with crisp new notes, and dress a little formally but not flashier than the couple. Get those right and you'll fit in warmly.

Everything else - the ceremony, the reception, and often a relaxed after-party - tends to be well organized, so you can relax and enjoy the day.

The invitation and your RSVP

Invitations usually arrive by post several weeks ahead, with a reply card inside. Circle "attending" (shusseki) or "declining" (kesseki), fill in your name and address, and send it back by the date shown. There's a small custom of crossing out the honorific printed next to your own name and politely striking through polite prefixes on the card - a friend can show you, and no one minds if you keep it simple.

Reply as early as you can, because the couple plans seating and meals around the count. If your plans are uncertain, it's kinder to say so than to leave the card unanswered.

Goshugi: the congratulatory gift

Guests bring money rather than wrapped presents. The cash goes into a decorative envelope called a shugi-bukuro, tied with a knot (mizuhiki) in the style used for happy, once-in-a-lifetime events. You can buy these at stationery shops and convenience stores; write your name on the front and the amount inside where indicated.

Use clean, freshly issued notes - many people go to a bank for new bills, and pressing older notes flat is a fallback. The amount is traditionally an odd number so it can't be split evenly, which symbolizes the couple staying together; friends and colleagues often give within a common range, while family and older relatives give more. When in doubt, ask a mutual friend what feels appropriate for your relationship.

Carry the envelope in a small cloth wrapper (fukusa) if you can, and hand it over at the reception desk on arrival with a short word of congratulations.

What to wear

Aim for formal but understated. Men are safe in a dark suit with a white or light tie; women often choose a modest dress, avoiding all-white outfits, which are reserved for the bride. Skip bare shoulders for the ceremony, and keep hemlines and heels sensible.

A few small things read as thoughtful: cover bare shoulders with a shawl during the ceremony, avoid animal fur or bold prints, and go easy on flashy accessories. If you're unsure, slightly more conservative is always the safe choice.

The ceremony and reception

The day often splits into a ceremony (shiki) and a reception banquet (hiroen). The ceremony may be Shinto, Christian-style, or a simple vow exchange, and is usually short; the reception that follows is the longer, seated meal with speeches, toasts, and a few heartfelt moments.

Follow the seating plan you're given, wait for the toast before drinking, and expect the couple to visit tables. Many receptions end with the newlyweds thanking their parents and handing guests a small parting gift (hikidemono) as you leave.

The nijikai after-party

After the reception, friends often gather for a more casual second party called a nijikai, usually at a restaurant or bar with its own separate fee paid at the door. It's relaxed, with games and mingling, and it's a great chance to get to know the couple's circle.

The nijikai frequently has a different start time and venue from the main reception, so double-check the details. If you can only make one part of the day, that's completely fine - just let the organizer know.

Staying connected on the day

More and more of a wedding runs through your phone: the RSVP, seating and schedule updates, group chats on LINE for the nijikai, and maps to venues you've never been to. A live translation app also helps when speeches and menus are all in Japanese. Having a Japanese number and data means you stay in the loop from the first invitation to the last toast.

If you've just arrived, it's worth setting this up early. Signing up needs your residence card, which is issued after you land, and once you have it an eSIM can activate the same day in about fifteen minutes - no store visit - so you're connected well before the celebration.